It’s been a long time since I knew I was on the right path.
I’ve been actively searching for that path. You know the one where everything falls into place and absolutely no excuse you give ends up being a barrier.
Like:
“I can’t find the time to figure things out.”
And suddenly your company downsizes and you are without a job.
Or, “I just signed a one-year lease on an expensive apartment. I couldn’t possibly chase my dreams.”
And your new landlord says, “Sure, find someone to assume you’re lease and we’ll let you out, no problem!”
That kind of path.
It’s taken a lot of time and searching to cultivate that spark.
It took a failed marriage. A dream job. An abusive relationship. Trauma release therapy. Hours of meditation. Flights across the world. Odd jobs. More wrong relationships <with a right one in there I ruined>. More than one failed business. Too many tears. Great friendships. A couple of pup-soul-mates. Thousands of hours exercising. And enough cinnamon rolls to span a football field.
But it came.
At about 3:30am somewhere in between Swansboro and Wilmington, North Carolina. I was driving alone in a rental car after having spent the week visiting my then boyfriend, and a not-so-random-thought-but-wasn’t-a-thought-it-was-an-inner-knowing popped into my head:
Naturopathic medical school in Canada.
Rewind three and a half years and you would have found me locked in my childhood bedroom studying for 12 hours a day for a test called the MCAT. That MCAT is THE test to get into traditional allopathic medical school in the states. It’s physics, organic chemistry, calculus, biology, critical thinking and so much more… it’s the without a doubt, the hardest standardized test out there. With good reason: to see who is cut out to make it in medical school (in the standardized test kind of way).
I retaught myself all of those subjects well enough to score completely average on the test- in the 50th percentile- and I couldn’t have been more proud of myself! Except it wasn’t enough. I was waitlisted into one program which ultimately did not offer me a spot in the class. I was devastated. Humiliated even. And way too burnt out to lock myself back up and study again to try and score a few points higher to get in another year later.
Instead, I focused on my spiritual growth, worked for a nonprofit community space for the arts, opened a yoga studio, closed a yoga studio, worked for a public health nonprofit, ran a health coaching business, dated another one of those not-so-great dudes, but landed in the best city in the world: San Diego, CA.
Without a doubt, San Diego changed my life in ways I could never explain. The love. The friends. The races. The belly laughs. The trails. The ocean. The Cove. The cycling. Hill repeats. Mount Soledad. My girls. My people. November Project. That house. That apartment. My roomie. That one good guy. The sun… that never sets. Yes, San Diego is paradise.
Back to August 2018…that spark of insight came to me and within 6 weeks, I had an acceptance letter in my hand. I moved mountains to make that happen and everything kept falling into place. No fighting. No barriers. Just smooth sailing with smiling faces pointing the way. Waving me in.
Fast forward 3 months…
I’m freezing in Toronto. We’re lucky if it gets over 20F and that number doesn’t even mean anything to anyone around here.
I moved here without knowing a single soul. Completely by myself. Unpacked every item I own in a big, empty house in a foreign country.
This, by far, is the most brave and courageous thing I have ever done.
It is also, without a doubt, exactly where I am meant to be and exactly what I’m supposed to be doing.
I. AM. A. BADASS.
it’s official!
I have come to believe this has been my destiny. To be here pursuing this degree at this time when I have never been more clear with who I am and what I have to offer. That little ego of mine would rather have me locked in a room working towards a perfection that would have made me miserable. Instead, I have been let free and held accountable to reach my potential.
Sit tight. Cheer me on. Reach out. Send virtual hugs. Come visit. Ask questions. Join me.
ZarMan on his first morning with snow!
